He did not have water

Walter Benjamin must have died almost 70 years ago. But when people add too much liquor to their water, they tend to remember him. What a joke if Dr Naxal gets all excited and worked up over Mr Pompom not knowing Walter Benjamin! I don't know how it began but I got into the act of preventing the pseudo Naxal from getting into fisticuffs with a guy who would struggle to spell water correctly, leave alone Walter.

Part I of a fancy chat

Hello guys and gals!

Welcome back after a long time! Much muck has flown down the Yamuna since I wrote something here: Imelda got pregnant, Del Piero went public about his girlfriend, the Hill Goat wandered away to hornier pastures, Morality almost died imagining herself washed away by rapids, Chidambaram wrote off a fortune to farmers and all of us got a good raise.

I am breaching a solemn promise, to record for posterity an excellent conversation I had with Friday. She asked me not to tell it to anyone. Since the matter discussed here was what all of us knew already, and this was just official confirmation, I thought it was not a big deal to break the promise. Moreover, Friday was looking for a Knight in shining armour after Bajrangi's passing away. Since I felt she was not sincere about what she said and what she wrote, I did not flinch to record this here:

The conversation began at 6.42 pm, IST on March 27, 2008 and lasted exactly an hour.

Friday: Hi

CC: Hello! Where are you?

Friday: Office, n u?

CC: In office

Friday: How was Easter?

CC: Abe was ill, just managed to go for 11.30 mass on Sunday at Cathedral, went to TGIF

Friday: O, how is he now?

CC: Now he is ok, cough persists

Friday: K, u went 2 TGIF after mass?

CC: Yeah

Friday: Wow! Did u buy a car?

CC: No, why do you ask?

Friday: sum1 was sayn

CC: Car is not economically viable in my opinion coz it costs so much and then at the end of 10 yrs u are left with nothing…unless 5 lakh means nothing to me, I won't buy a car

Friday: hmm i agree value depriciates na, but it myks travellin easier sp wit family

CC: So I hire a car when I travel with family, comes to what I have to spend on petrol, since I don't travel everyday

Friday: hmm

CC: Do you have a car for yourself these days?

Friday: nope, was thinkin of getin 1

CC: They will soon give you carbon vouchers, you won't be able to use more oxygen than what is permitted in your monthly voucher, I mean burn oxygen

Friday: ya??

CC: This will be the scene 20 years from now, they are already talking of poor nations being compensated for not using their quota of oxygen, it will come down to individuals soon

Friday: u r so learned a man. I really luk up 2 u

CC: Read, my dear. For example, you can straight away look up something called Kyoto Protocol. These days, it's so easy to learn… everybody is a student, the younger generation only SMSes though

Friday: :-o wen i try 2 bore u just buzz me off

CC: have you done a search for Kyoto Protocol? Or just type down, "what is Kyoto protocol"

Friday: nope i don’t, will just type, gotta

CC: now read

Friday: k, Can I ask u sumtin personal?

CC: sure

Friday: y do ppl dislyk me here so much, nver b4 I hav experienced this

CC: What happened? I thought you lived in a world of your own, you interacted less,

Friday: dis is wat i feel all d time

CC: I thought that was your choice. I mean you don't talk much to people

Friday: ya datz cos I get such vibes, tis not dat i m introvert or netin

CC: Nobody hates you, since you don' talk or interact they leave you alone, there are more people like you

Friday: n even if i keep 2 myself does dat myk me bad?

CC: who said u r bad?

Friday: datz d general perception i feel ppl hav

CC: y r u suddenly on a guilt trip? There are noisy people, bindas, quiet, pensive…everybody is different, you commissioned a survey?

Friday: just asked, got d feeling long bak, but der r other ppl who r quiet n r talked 2: example, Del Piero, Billo

CC: You just do your work and behave in the way you are comfortable with and stop having a persecution complex. If you talk more, more people will interact with you, and bachelors may be shy to interact with an unmarried girl, although they may be wanting to…

Friday: I don’t kno dear, but if bachelors n married 1's try 2 flirt n if i give bak dey tyk offence, m i wrong if i do so?

CC: I don't think that you are wrong in that, everyone shd know to draw the line and treat you with respect

Friday: Del Piero is sweet and Betting Syndicate nice 2. he helped me a lot in d begining wen i was struggling wit quark n Rakshas n i owe him 4 dat

CC: so all the eligible guys are good to you, what more do you need? why worry :)

Friday: but if someone makes a lewd remarks cant i buzz dem off

CC: who does this? tell them straight that you don't like such talk, I have no idea, what's happening, may be i shd talk to you sometime, but i thought you were talking of office and work

Friday: ya sorry, i got off track, actually wen i speak on d face i get emotional so i prefer chat

CC: ok, then it's fine

Friday: but all dat i was sayin is different reasons 4 ppl not 2 lyk me

CC: have people misbehaved with you? Just tell it to Rotawala once and ask him to warn the concerned person, sexual harassment is a serious offence

Friday: i told dem 2 bak off, so dey hav tykn offence n made groups n stuff, n dey v stopped talkin 2 me

CC: i don't think so, and if people stop talking to u coz u told them off, u shd not be worried, there are enough decent folks around, for example, y don't you talk to Fraud Naxal? he is a decent chap

Friday: ya he his very nice i did tell dem off but i dont hate dem as such, only dat angle was wat i was not comfortable wit

CC: so be a little more comfortable, tell them, look i like you as a person but i don't like you making vulgar passes at me, can't we just be good friends etc, etc. Sorry, I meant little more communicative (not comfortable)

Friday: ya datz exactly wat i want n meant, :D

CC: so tell them not to take offence at your request

Friday: but y do othrrs dislyk me?

CC: talk later, getting busier

Friday: sorry

CC: it's all your imagination, just smile at people and you will see the difference

Friday: :) let me start wit u :D

CC: yeah, and not online, when you meet people for the firt itme:

Friday: u mean 1st time in d day na?

CC: yes

Friday: thanx

CC: ok, we'll talk later, take care!

Friday: later i l talk 2 u bout y Morality has a prob wit me, thanx 4 talkin wit me, i feel much better

CC: Anytime

Friday: :)

Second part soon

please don't mind it

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/merseyside/4253849.stm

IM was oblivious to the fact that an attack like the one described in the article above could land her in jail for a good two years. Otherwise, she may -- and that's a BIG may -- have thought twice about inflicting this kind of damage on Pom-Pom who was audacious enough to try to pull her leg. or so he says.



POM-POM: ;)

IM: hw wa the wedding

POM-POM: good, food was really good

IM: ;-)

POM-POM: how're u

IM: doing well

POM-POM: whenever i go out, believe me, i miss u
ya, doing well
leaving tonight for delhi'

IM: huh???

POM-POM: so hopefully see u tomorrow

IM: miss me??? :-)

POM-POM: yup
this is true we dont interact much, but still...

IM: bhang pe liya kya

POM-POM: tch
main bhang nahi peeta
u mind it?????
there's no work, just waiting to leave for airport, so thought
lets pull somebody's leg
but i thought u mind it
:(



i am sure IM doesnt mind anything that provides fodder to our www.talesfromnearandfar.blogspot.com.

Tiger, tiger, burning bright

Sob, sob, the Hillgoat has found his footing in the neighbouring mountain. But a little bird tells me that it is the Tiger that drove away the goat to the neighbouring hill. While he wrestles with the Tiwari code, we wish him all the best. But I am little late with my update on the Tiger amidst us.
Today's news bulletin says that Velupillai Prabhakaran may be terminally ill. I wish the guy is dead before he can cause anymore harm to humanity. But there will be at least a colleague who will shed more than a tear for the LTTE terrorist.
And he shares my cubicle. I had known that he was a proud Tamilian but not someone who was so awestruck by a brutal terrorist. I knew that he believed that the Sri Lankan government was responsible for the tragic Tamil problem in that nation. But little did I realise that he may have been trying to hide his stripes.
On a fateful evening, I was talking with Mr Debater about the LTTE and how the organisation worked against Tamil interest in Sri Lanka. Suddenly, the Teacher, who was silently listening to my conversation, just got up, with a grim face, and walked out.
There was something alarming about the Teacher's mannerism. He looked annoyed and then it suddenly struck me that he was from Ramanathapuram.
When he returned a few minutes later, after his mandatory tryst with the cancer stick, I deliberately turned around the argument. I told Mr Debater: "But all this is one-sided, we don't know the truth...all we get to hear is from the media and it could be biased." "Exactly!!!!!" said the Teacher, even before I completed my sentence. "You see, Prabhakaran is a great leader, he is a visionary, he is respected by Tamilians in Sri Lanka..." He said everything praiseworthy, except that Prabhakaran is a Gandhian. "Tamilians don't have any other leader, you see..." "But LTTE has made sure that Tamilians don't have another leader, it eliminated them all," argued I. "All the others were into drug smuggling and gun-running." "But that's exactly what the LTTE is supposed to be doing and it even employs children and pregnant women for the purpose," I countered. "No! LTTE looks after the genuine interests of Tamils, the rest of them were racketeers," the Teacher said, now looking very agitated. "You mean to say even TULF leader Amritalingham was a racketeer," asked I. "But he was not a militant," said the Teacher. "Exactly, but he was a respected mainstream Tamil leader, an MP in the Sri Lankan parliament...so why was he killed by the LTTE," I asked. "No I am talking about militants," he evaded.
He then went on to add that the LTTE was actually serving the purpose of Tamils in Sri Lanka and that the media was unfair to it. "I have talked to several of the refugees who live in the refugee camps in Ramanathapuram..."
Suddenly it struck me that the Teacher had the same number of years of experience as Mr Debater and lost the same number of years preparing for the civil services examinations; but he was four years older than the Debater; so, where did he lose those four years? A chill went down my spine when it occurred to me that our man may be a Tiger on the prowl...What have I done? Will the Teacher teach me a dreadful lesson?
CC

Tiwari Code

If you thought he was just another QuarkXpress, think again. Dr Tiwari is on Mission Pathbreaking (pronounced as mis-un path-brking). Google has commissioned him to develop a new communication code. News has it that it will be the next big thing after Samuel Morse invented his dash and dots.

Doc Tiwari is working on his project in right earnest. Today, he made an important invention: If you want someone to check the graph and okay it, what will you say? Using Googletalk, you may say something like this: "Please go through the data and see if the graph is okay" So many words, so many extra seconds consumed! According to the Tiwari Code, you just have to say: "Secure graph."

Yes, this means the person receiving the message will go through the whole graph and once the graph is final, s/he will send back a message: "graph secure". So simple and easy! Just imagine what one would have done otherwise: "I have made some changes, sending the corrected version."

After the first successful communication with Dayal Babi's Baba, Doc Tiwari has embarked on to full-fledged research. These are some of the codes that have been made thereafter: "Joy" means, "listen to me, sweetheart"; "Rak-us" means, I am at your service, come hell or high water"; and "Nad-um" means : "F-you"

I am told the IATA has evinced keen interest in Doc Tiwari's code. It believes that the number of air accidents due to bad communication will be brought down to nil if all airports implement the Tiwari Code.

Even as Doc Tiwari gets into the league of Graham Bell and Morse, there are some petty people who are lampooning him. I think this is unfair.
CC

Hill Goat and the Comrade

While we spend time trying to figure out the genetics of Bajrangi, it would be good to turn our focus on some others. Our office is a 3-ring circus. There are too many artistes performing simultaneously.

Most of us are desperately looking for cotton plugs to reduce the incessant "warh-warh-warh-warh" emanating from the Pseudo-Naxal (PN) His decibel level is actually directly propotional to the frustration he is experiencing. The level of his frustration is so much that all the time he is accusing someone or the other of being "a big humper". So, it is only natural that he is willing to believe anyone who has a juicy tale to tell him.

The Hill Goat is not letting go of the opportunity. The other day, he gave a multi-media presentation of a night he 'spent' with a woman. The Hill Goat completed the presentation with sound effects, and started moaning and groaning. Needless to say PN was aroused so much that he was seen furiously pacing up and down.

As if this was not enough, the Hill Goat last evening told PN that Dayal Babi spotted a strap-on dildo in the bag of Dum Aloo's wife during their wedding reception. He explained to PN that efeminate men had a fetish for such things. Poor Dum Aloo has been made out to be a guy who loves to be buggered by his wife!

Now, anyone else would have just dismissed the claim but PN was not only willing to buy it but also started imagining things. Poor Dum Aloo, who met him a little later must have been left wondering why PN was so squeamish with him.

It ain't over yet! In all likelihood, PN will check out with Dayal Babi. Try imagining how Dayal Babi will react when PN starts talking about a dildo.

CC

A brief history of Ram

AN ATHEIST HAS THE RIGHT TO DENY THE divinity of Ram. But to deny the historicity of Ram is a historical heresy that strikes at the roots of Indian ethos. Those demanding written proof of Ram’s existence need to be familiarised with Hindu traditions of shruti (oral instruction sans written communication) and smriti (memorisation). The Hindu intellectuals never insisted that everything be there in writing. The lack of rigidity, because there is no Book and nothing is etched in stone, has helped Hinduism evolve over the ages and keep up with the times. If learning is the end, then why quibble over the means? Why treat written records as sacrosanct, for they can be more easily created and altered than the collective memories of thousands of generations. Keepers of land record have done it all over the world. False birth certificates to get jobs and caste certificates to get reservation are easily available for the right price all over India.
Das avatars narrated in the Hindu scriptures represent a theory of evolution from pisces to amphibians to mammals as Vishnu’s incarnations of Matsya, Kachchhap and Varaha. Similarly, Narasimha and Vaman avatars represent the growth of humanity and progress of the human race. They may not have been written down but the facts can be tallied with similar progress reports in other religions, and science. This represents the gyan (knowledge) and vigyan (science) of the people of that era. To dismiss it as myth and legend, and treat it as superstition is an insult to the culture and history of the first civilised people on this earth. This can be expected only from a person who has named his progeny after a ruthless dictator despised even in his own country.
When actions speak louder than words, masses remember reformers as Gods. The dustbin of history is there to recollect acts of pretenders to the throne of people’s heart. Leaders who want future generations to remember them without having done enough to deserve it need image builders, who are better known as historians.
Ram’s contributions to society may not have been chronicled during his times, but have left an indelible mark, inspiring bhakts like Valmiki and Tulsidas to name just two. Raghav appeared at a time when human race was moving out of pastoral jungle life to a city-based agrarian culture. He was a pioneer and leader in a movement that changed the way of life and thinking of humanity as a whole and the Indian subcontinent in particular. He arouses so much passion and devotion precisely because he was the first leader who stood up for the aam aadmi, especially women and the underprivileged, despite being a prince. The reformer started with women’s right — restoring to the Ahilya her rightful social place, a victim of circumstances spurned by her husband and ostracised by society. Promoting monogamy is something for which Hindu women, and men, shall thank him forever. The prince of Ayodhya spearheaded the movement to co-opt the hunter-gatherer forest dwellers (vana nar, distorted into vanar) into the then new agrarian social formation. He wiped out the old exploitative asurasocio-economic order. Ram rajyawas the first instance of a ruler giving precedence to the concerns of common man, an aristocrat turning a civil servant in the true sense of the word.

Bhakt Bajrangi